Brain Dump: January 2018

So, what’s on my mind? A LOT actually. But what I’m going to dump on you guys today is my decision to continue writing in the Dark & Bright world in 2018.

Some of you might be familiar with these characters as I’ve had two short stories picked up by HarperCollins UK and Torquere Press (republished on my own when they went under). Kayla/Erik were featured in Paranormal Erotica and Kayla/Monica in Turning Tables.

Kayla is a bisexual werewolf torn between the love of her alpha and her attraction for the female vampire elder of the coven she’s ambassador to. Whilst not touched upon in anything published (yet), Kayla’s story also centers on her coming to terms with realising her heart can love more than one person. Amongst other things like traitorous vampires and secrets and more. 

Last night, I was curious how a recent queer promo has been affecting my F/F short’s rating, so I headed over to Goodreads. I was not prepared for what I saw. Three lovely souls had reviewed the story in December, and every single one loved the world and wanted more of Kayla/Monica. (One sweet person even put my story on their favourites shelf… like what?! Me?!)

Silly or not, I started to cry. Because to me it’s more than my writing being viewed as good. It’s the fact that these bisexual characters I built with my best friend and poured myself into are characters people actually want to read.

F/F doesn’t typically get the same reaction as M/F and M/M do in publishing. Readers aren’t as enthusiastic and hungry—mostly because publishing is dominated by cis straight ladies who think M/M is hot but F/F is gross (just been my experience, guys). And due to the fact they’re not hungry for F/F, whilst I longed to write these characters, I shied away from it. I thought no one would want to read it. And as someone who wants to do this for a living, I went towards what was most popular.

This even led to me not reading F/F much on my own.

Whilst I love my friends, they all mostly straight and read M/F and M/M so I felt like an odd one out by reading F/F. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to talk about characters and things I knew they’d want to discuss and could relate to. (Note: They’ve never made me feel different or that I couldn’t talk about my attraction to women, or F/F stories. This was all my own shit I was working through. I have depression and PTSD, yo. I’m a little effed up in the nog. I overthink shit to an alarming degree.)

Halfway through 2017, I began to get over that, began to work towards embracing who I am. I sought out more sapphic stories, especially bisexual ones. I talked more openly about anything bi/queer. I refuse to self-censor anymore.

I’m done warring with myself. I’m going to write F/F in 2018 (along with M/F — cos yo, even with a man, a bi woman is still bi), and I’m going to continue to breathe life into bisexual characters because it matters to me. It’s who I am. I’m going to continue writing, reading, and promoting bisexual and sapphic stories.

 

What’s on everyone else’s mind? Check out their posts!
Jess | Bronwyn | Kris | Siobhan | Kellie | JessicaDeelylah |

10 Replies to “Brain Dump: January 2018”

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  3. This is a really beautiful post–on so many levels. I’m so happy that you’re finished warring with yourself. That alone, is huge. Secondly, I think these stories need to be told. For too, long our culture has had the attitude that bisexual simply meant “undecided” or just “not picky”. That is obviously not the case, and it’s harmful to think otherwise. And thirdly, I’m so happy that your characters have found a home in readers’ hearts. That’s one of the best feelings in the world. <3

    1. Thank you so much, my dearest <3 Biphobia can go sod itself. I'm done with it.

  4. I’m happy you’ve made a decision. Sometimes the warring is the worst part. And yes, these stories need to be told. You go, girl.

  5. It makes my heart happy to read that you’re embracing who you are, and aren’t self-censoring yourself anymore. I’ve always been baffled by the lack of demand for F/F titles, but I’m ashamed to say I’ve set aside ideas I’ve had for F/F stories because they don’t seem to sell well.

    Some people’s attitudes and sheer ignorance towards bisexuality – and basically anything other than hetero (not like them), but bisexuality seems to be the one I hear/read/etc most often –
    – infuriate me. I do have hope, though, as people speak up, counter the ingorance with words and actions, as I see the younger generation (omg I feel old saying that) act and speak with more understanding, tolerance and love than I’ve seen in a long time. I know, even amongst them, there are assholes who were raised to purpetuate the ignorance and hate, but more and more, I’m seeing the opposite and feel there is a turning of the tide in our culture…and I couldn’t be happier in the face of that.

    Sorry for the ramble. I can’t wait to see what fantastic stories you have in store for us. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for your support! I do hope you’ll decide to write F/F!

  6. I somehow missed Turning Tables, but I loved what I read in Paranormal and always wanted more! What makes me even happier is that you feel good about writing the stories you want to write!

  7. I am so glad you’ve decided to write what your heart is telling you to write. I’ve thought about writing to market and even tried my hand at it, but I don’t think it’s what makes me soar and it definitely doesn’t feed my muse. F/F is some good stuff, and you’ve done a wonderful job with what I’ve read. <3

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